[o157fe]

I'm listening to a midi from Inuyasha. It's amazing how music has the ability to evoke senses and emotion even though no words are sung. There are so many things, which I really want to say out loud, but the fear is there. The fear of rejection, being shunned or worse, not understood. The whole point of communication is to communicate, right? I really want to say some things to some people, but I can't. (I shall let you all interpret this however you want to, you might not be right, but you might not be wrong too) Last night, I lay in bed, and while awaiting sleep to overcome me, I thought of prac.crit. For some reason, it became absurdly clear what those poems are about, and how the meanings evade you because you are not trying to listen carefully enough what the poet is trying to not to tell. I don't remember how I came to this conclusion, but come to think of it, when poets write a poem, they edit them before handing the final drafts. Poets edit certain words, sometimes even words that don't seem to matter yet it does. They are trying to capture the exact essence of what they want to tell and what they do not want to tell. So yes, they all feel restrained too. Take Boey Kim Cheng, maybe that's why even though he wrote his poems to express his feelings towards the subjects, he can never truly be released from it's hold. Maybe that's why there's the pain in his eyes when he spoke of his poems.

Yes, I still want to say the things I want to, but I still can't. What I say may not truly set me free from the anguish of not speaking it out.

I'm freaking myself out abit here, I think I wrote things beyond my comprehension even.