I get really afraid whenever I come back home to find the house empty when it's not supposed to be empty. I will search all the rooms in the house, then check the caller ID, before calling my mom to check where she is and where all the others might be. I fear this, because I always think something major happened to someone, which always happens to be the death of someone, and that's why everyone rushed out of the house without informing me. I know I sound paranoid. I am. I don't know why but maybe in my previous life I died of lonliness. This happened a few times (the no one at home thing) and each time, I thought someone passed away. I would check the caller ID for any numbers that might show a certain urgency, ie, the number of calls and also the background of callers. After checking the caller ID, my hands would reach out for the phone hesitantly, before dialling my mom. Thank goodness nothing happens each time. But I will never forget the call my mom made to tell me my grandma passed away. NEVER. I saw an ambulance on monday morning, just at my block. It just reminded me of how my aunts and my mom were feeling that fateful day when they had to see my grandma be wheeled onto one. The sorrow just swelled in my throat. A lump that is hard to swallow. I know I have been saying how my aunt should let go now that months have past. I was quite surprised that I dreamt of my grandma the night we bunked at aaron's room. She was smiling. That cheeky smile that told me that she knows I can see her, and yet the others can't. Gosh. I don't know what came over me. I just miss her. Amidst all the chaos in my life right now, I can still feel the space she created by leaving us that day. Sorry to get all emo. Just not feeling all uppity.
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